Sleep addiction

I wake up. I look at my watch.  It displays 8:30.  I sleep again.

I wake up. I look at my watch.  It displays 11:30. I sleep again.

I wake up. I look at my watch.  It displays 14:30. I climb down my bunk bed, frowning and feeling ashamed. 

 This sometimes happens to me in weekends, during the time which I go through harsh times. Knowing that I have numerous things to do, I force myself to 'forget' those things by diving deeper into sleep, therefore ignoring the real world. But, at the moment when I wake up, my feelings become instantly low and depressed, and stressful, because I realize that I have to do a lot of things. But since I had slept for over 12 hours, the time which I can focus on my homework is limited, and because the time is tight, I couldn't do my hobby either. If this phenomenon continues, my quality of life will drop because I will not succeed academically, and also I wouldn't have time to focus on things which I want to do. 

 I think sleeping in this case, is similar to computer games and drug addiction. The vicious cycle which these addictions have is that, at the instance of doing that activity will help to forget the hard things in the reality. But the instance of stopping it, the reality floods in. Therefore, to forget the hard reality, the individual continues to do the activity, which will eventually make the reality harsher.

 I see similar kind of examples from my friends and roommates. They watch Youtube, log on to Facebook, look Naver 'webtoons' during exam preparation times. And they complain about they had not prepared for exam after they get the scores.

To overcome this vicious cycle, the individual has to face the reality and force through it. However, the reality is often very hard to overcome and if the individual doesn't have much determination, he/she will return to the vicious cycle again.  But I have to remember that it is the only way that I can get out of this cycle. Although it can be hard both mentally and physically, I have to go through the current situation with determination. 

One unique Chuseok for me

Revised

You open your eyes, only to find out that your watch is displaying 13:24. You climb down from the bunkbed, and boil water for ramen. After a few minutes, you take the  pot to the sofa, and eat as you watch a BBC documentary ‘The Blue Planet.' After lunch, you sit on a chair at the window side with a book, peacefully reading and eventually falling asleep due to warm sunlight. About 5 pm, you wake up and eat dinner with your family. After that, you go into a room, actually a ‘study room’ for you and your brothers, and try to study something. Around 10pm, feeling hungry, you open the refrigerator and drink some orange juice. After staying 2 more hours in the ‘study room’, you pick up your camera and go outside, feeling the midnight air. You go to the nearby light source and scrutinize it in order to look for insect, but feel unsatisfied and go back home. You don’t feel like studying, so grabbing a book, ‘Short stories of Guy de Maupassant’ you go up the top bunk, and read until you sleep, thinking that today was almost the same as yesterday during 'Chuseok holiday.'

 On a scale from 1 to 10 in terms of cultural value, I'd rate my Chuseok a -1. But, our family ‘used-to-be’ pretty much strict about Chuseok culture before. In every New Year’s Day and Chuseok, our family which live in Gwacheon, a city near Seoul, had to move down to Daegu. There, our family met our grandparents and headed to Uiseong-gun, where Jipsungchon(집성촌) of the Kim family is located. There, lots and lots of our relatives gathered, did ‘Jesa’ which contained most of the relatives wearing traditional  Hanbok, and wearing ‘Gat’, a traditional hat. After jesa, Family members went up to ‘family mountain’ where, even my great-great-grandfather was buried. There we did bowing and placed the foods on the table and performed several rituals. There were family members buried all over the mountain, and we had to climb at least 5 different places to reach their tombs. We ate traditional foods with relatives whom I only know from their faces(some whom I could only see during these events). Then why do I, who had these ‘traditional’ Chuseok every year, have to stay at home and study?

 It’s hard to tell, but it’s due to my grandmother. She has cancer and will soon pass away. The cancer was found almost 2 years ago, while I was preparing for KMLA. One particular reason which I prepared KMLA, was because I wanted to show her that her grandson was succeeding, with the hope that the fact of me entering KMLA would enhance her status. But it didn’t go well, and she has passed thorough several hard times over the last year. So, this Chuseok, she decided to go on a trip with my grandfather, maybe her last trip. So instead our family going down to Daegu, we scheduled her trip and called her via video call during her journey. She was weak, significantly compared with her strong image which I remember, and it was a bit hard to see her through the phone. My father was looking very happy, smiling, but right after we hung up the phone, he let out a sigh. I simply didn't like this and went right back to my study room. I didn’t want to think about these sad things.

 So, I had a lot of free time available during Chuseok. On the first day I went to Kyobo bookstore in Seoul, in order to buy some books. I bought an entomology book, which is a Korean translation of an English textbook. At the second day, I looked at the book, only to realize that the Korean translation was a total mess. It was so badly translated that I felt angry while trying to figure out what the Korean text’s meanings were. I wanted to go out and take a walk and take some pictures with my camera, but it rained for 2 days. Most of my friends were at their grandparent’s houses or in Hagwons, so I had no one to play with. Even my Facebook and Kakaotalk didn’t have any alarms. I really wanted to find something which I could focus on during Chuseok.

I looked through the bookshelves, but the most interesting books I have were in school, and all the books left at home didn’t catch my interest. I picked up ‘Short stories of Guy de Maupassant’ which I would never read on my own, and decided to try it. It was quite fun though, interesting to take a peek though stories based on old France. I read it when I felt I had nothing to do, usually at night when I simply couldn't sleep, or during the day when I felt bored. Everyday night, I went out despite slight rain, and hoped to find some insect attracted to light. But since rain had lowered the temperature, there was no insect in action.

Instead of studying for SAT or the Calculus quiz, I couldn’t do something which interested me. At least I slept a lot, and ate delicious foods, which is hard to do in school.

On a scale from 1 to 10 in terms of meaningfulness, productiveness, or excitedness, I'd rate my Chuseok a 2. But this Chuseok can be remembered in my mind, as a Chuseok which contained no cultural activity, so different from previous years. Grown in a family which values the cultural activity during Chuseok, certainly it was a unique time for me. But, I really hope not to spend any more Chuseok holiday like this year’s ever again.

Personal desire

In front of me, there are two things.

'Single Variable Calculus' and a 128GB memory chip.

I want to go out of the dorm, and photograph various wildlife around. But the fact that calculus quiz awaits for me pulls me back to my seat. Autumn is a great season for photographing, because the vegetation is full grown, the sunlight is intense, and the insects has reached their adult state. Furthermore, autumn is a season which various migratory birds pass through Korea and various flowers bloom. 

Why can't I go outside?

Last year, I always went out with my camera, regardless of the quizzes and tests. But this year, something had changed, and I just couldn't simply grab my camera and go out. I think that it's because the pressure around me had intensified, and it just suppresses my personal desire. 

 I don't know what to do, but the best thing is to finish my work quickly and then do what I want to do. 

The art of Mothing

Whoosh!

A moth flies right beside my ear. I am standing at the forest edge, waiting for more moths to fly to metal-halide lamp which is in the camping mosquito tent. I take out my camera, and using a bright flash, takes photograph continuously. After 3 hours, my wrist begins to ache, my eyes are tired because of the bright light, but I am happy enough with 300+moth photos.

                      Mothing in school, I am in the right corner of the photo

What am I doing? It’s ‘mothing’, a method which uses a bright light in order to gather nocturnal insects. Despite the time which I started this method is very recent, I always wanted to have this type of experience since I first got interest in moths. Last year, when one KMLA alumnus taught me various moth taxon and introduced how to collect moths, I was eager to figure out what species of moths are living in our school area.

I began with taking photos of moths which came inside of the dorm building during the night. At first, everything was new. Although I took various moths, I didn’t know how to identify them and what to do with the identified ones. At first, if I have a photo of a white moth with black, circular markings I would go on internet and type ‘moth white black dot’ and search on the images until I find the same image of the moth which I have. That method was a time-consuming and inefficient job, but it helped me to get a glimpse of the moths. During winter vacation I visited local library and borrowed books such as ‘Colored guidebook to moth of Korea’ and read through the books. I read those books over and over, when I had spare time.  

The good thing about the guidebooks is that it helped me to identify the moth photos which I have, and also made me to recognize various moths by memorization of their body patterns. So, this year when I see some moth, it was possible to assume the moth’s name before searching the books. I was beginning to understand, and becoming familiar with the moths.

When there was ordering supplies for the school summer camp(our school have a camp for elementary/middle school kids), I asked managing teacher whether I could buy supplies for mothing. With the promise of participating as Teaching Assistant for the school summer camp, I ordered the supplies (of course the supplies are school’s).  

I performed some experimental mothing before the school camp started. When the sky turned red to purple to black, the metal-halide lamp began to light up. Several moths came, and I was pretty satisfied with the colorful patterns of the moths. When I picked up my camera, some more came. I tried to photograph the ones which are present on the mothing equipment. I focused on the moths which are in front of me, and turned my eyes around. Already dozen more was flying in, and when I finished photographing them, couple hundred was sitting on the device! It was a endless work, just like rock of Sisyphus, but more exciting version.

                         Mothing with elementary/middle school students

During school camp, I was in charge of showing kids about the nocturnal insect living nearby. I explained about the names of the moth, their behavior and helped them to get a brief interest to the nature and provided a new way to look into nature. It was a thrilling experience, kids had fun and I thought that teaching is also fun, almost equivalent to studying alone. That’s when I felt that I want to become a professor someday, devoting my interest and passion to nature to my own happiness, and also teaching others about what I am good at.

 Though mothing is a unique experience, I have learned and felt a lot during studying moths. When I'm going through hard times, I always think of mothing and it gives me excitement and a bit of happiness. 

                                  Beautiful Agathia carissima moth.

Interpretation on the invasive species of insect within KMLA campus.

 KMLA, which is located in Hoengsung, contains a huge insect fauna of diverse taxons. The insect survey that I started last year, revealed total 4 species of invasive insect in KMLA campus. The 4 species are: Rice water weevil(Issorhoptrus oryzophilus), Citrus flatid planthopper (Metcalfa pruinosa), Chrysanthemum lace bug(Corythucha marmorata), and Western conifer seed bug(Leptoglossus occidentalis). As I researched about them, it revealed that all four species originate from North america, and most of them are introduced to Korean fauna very recently. Citrus flatid planthopper: 2009, Chrysanthemum lace bug: 2011, Western conifer seed bug: 2010. They were introduced to korea only 10 years ago, and they had became a major agricultural pest in most part of Korea. Luckily, plant population in KMLA campus hadn't much damaged by those insects. Why?

 I personally assume that the invasive species found in KMLA originates from nearby rice paddy and farms. Since all 4 invasive insect have their host plant which are mostly crops, it is reasonable to think that they had introduced to local fauna via agricultural means, and spread out to nearby plants. 

 Most insects have their specific host plants therefore if some plant population boom, it is likely that the insect which feds on them can also increase in number and becomes serious problem. So, some insects can thrive in environment which have considerable amount of their host plant, such as farms. The reason why the invasives does not increase in number in KMLA is that the plant population in the campus have a great biodiversity and the number of plants are in a balanced state that it is hard for one species of plant to incerase in number, which can lead to incerase of insect number.

                    Western conifer seed bug (Leptoglossus occidentalis) taken in August 08, 2019.